Dear Me (in 20 Years…),

It’s me from your past. I just wrote a letter to our 14 year-old self. As I wrote it, it brought back time to reflect on our life and how far I had grown.

It made me realize that I had survived some of what I thought were the darkest parts of my life. It made me shine brighter than what I had heard people telling me that I would have. And in that instance, I realized that I am somebody even if no one thinks anything of me. In the future, I look forward to being wiser than I am now. You know what I mean. I hope that our soul has found the fondness that you desire deep in your heart. I hope that life has outstanding improvements, not as many downfalls and disappointments, moments that you can be proud of. Many aspects of your life should remain fulfilled: your family, your friends, your finances and most importantly, yourself.

Right now, you are in a relationship with a man that has loved you from the beginning with little bumps and bruises that caused you to distrust each other. You have learned to let go of the trust issues and learned to love all over again. Even though, Scottie can’t see it. You took a mental break to rebuild yourself to help better the relationship. During this break, you re-evaluate how you are living life and how you brought him into it. You think of all of the things that you have said to make him hurt, to make him cry, to make him laugh. Your favorite part is when you share moments of pure laughter. Sometime you don’t know what you are laughing at but you live in the moment and enjoy it. As you reach almost ten years together, you realize that the thing you want more and more is to provide a connection of hope and love for this man you have called your husband.

In the future, I hope that every man can love every man. I hope that every woman could love every woman. And, as it has been in the past, I hope that you can still catch a fascinating donkey show in Mexico. Just kidding, just kidding. I hope that men and women learn to love again. I hope that in the future that they learn that relationships and building upon them. To build the relationship, you need trust, love and other building blocks that you add to make the relationship successful. Yes, sex is the fun part. But once the romance is over you have to have more than that. You have to be able to be connected to one another and know every turn, bell and whistle.

Currently, your daughters that you have made your own are 10 and 12. They are growing into such beautiful young ladies. It has always been the ultimate goal to be a better parent than your own. In this case, you can’t beat them but you can give them the life lessons that you want to share with them. You can’t hold their hand the every step that they take but you can try to be there for everything. Right now it is a struggle but I hope that twenty years from now that they have grown into being great young ladies that contribute to society. I am constantly making an effort here in your past to make them better people and making sure that they shine bright. In years past, you reflected the behavior that was not of whom you wanted to be. Things have changed in the time of re-evaluating your life and getting things straight and making things right. It’s okay to put the fear in someone, but if they don’t respect you it’s not worth the fight. You’ve done well so far and hope that the hard work pays off.

Years down the line, I hope that the kids come back to you and let you know what you have done to help them get through life and shine bright. Right now, you are focused on being the “best parents ever.” But as you realized, in your early twenties, that some of the struggle and pain that your parents put you through made you a better person. It wasn’t easy, as it can’t be easy for these kids. Especially being separated from what you call their “favorite parent”, their father. They want to be with him all the time because there is a sense of security and even stability. In the adult years, this feeling will continue. They will continue to run to their stylish drag queen stepmother for style tips and girly advice. They will never forget to run to their father and talk to him and even share a laugh with him.

Right now, you have a few select variety of friends that make you smile, make you laugh and that you can depend on. As you are reading this you probably, have some of those same friends that have stuck by you through the storm. The trust of not getting a knife struck across your back has been eased or even gone away. But knowing you always have your guard up until there is enough evidence to let it down. Distrust is a huge factor for you and you don’t like when trust has been depreciated by a coward or a wench that decides to run her mouth on the street. Friends are still better in quality than they are in quantity.

Money makes the world go round, now that isn’t the case, but it still doesn’t grow on trees or bring happiness. Right now you are struggling a little bit and you are making things work. You have the help that you need to succeed. Hopefully by now, you have listened to the advice that has been given to you and learn what works for you so that you don’t struggle through and make it so that you are comfortable and comfortable with being comfortable financially.

Now here are some things that I hope that you have achieved and learned through the years:

  • Hope that your career has taken off in the direction that you hoped it would
  • Live life to the fullest, you never know when it might come to an end.
  • Singing in the shower, is fun, keep doing it. It makes you feel good.
  • Remember it’s okay to say no, when something does not feel right.
  • Learn to listen to your inner voice (and at times, your husband)
  • Live more for love and ignore the hate
  • One step at a time
  • Skydiving will be fun! Eventually one day you will conquer your fear and do it — along with Bungee jumping.
  • You will help plan your daughters’ wedding and be phenomonal
  • You will be married, MARRIED as it will be legal in all 50 states
  • You would have learned the lessons that your parents said will come when you hit certain milestones
  • Appreciate styles, colors and fashion trends. Hopefully you can now afford them.
  • Worry more about preventative health instead of until something goes wrong
  • Hopefully, you have lived all the places that you’ve wanted to live: San Diego, San Francisco, Paris, Rome — just to get the memory jogging.
  • Being the best you can be will wholeheartedness, is being the best person you can be.
  • And, of course, rock your fabulousity!

From your past, it’s been a blast! xo